We have an aymgdula to be able to manage and control our emotions by denying and repressing unpleasant thoughts. I mean if we had to feel in full force everything that is happening to us at every moment, we'd be emotional wrecks. After the Radiation Neurologist fried my brain, I have found it harder and harder to repress unpleasant thoughts. Even the most minute disruption in an important relationship (and maybe even not so important) sends me reeling.
I think that is why I have changed my social network scheme so drastically over the past two years. Being around people has become more painful that ever and I seem to have lost the ability to control my emotions as I once could. Any perceived rejection causes pain.
My role in this life seems to be a helper. Those who need helping often don't get there be accident and their emotions are erratic and unpredictable. Thus dangerous. On the other hand, I have become highly sensitive to the emotions of others. This can be very useful in my role as a helper. I was always pretty good at reading and feeling the emotions of others before. Now, I am better tuned.
I have wondered why I spend most if my day holed up in my Fortress of Solitude. I find it harder to experience the negative emotions of the world, the rudeness, distrust, anger, hate, loss, and pain. This is better when I think I can help, given the opportunity. If I can help some through their difficulties, then is worth the effort and the risk.
Now, it is time for lunch, and walk the dogs, and some UNC basketball.
No comments:
Post a Comment