romance

I'm confused again. What about romance is worth it? We know that each time we enter in, that it will fail. Very hard to achieve a level of the same feelings in both partners. Even if that can be achieved, the odds of it remaining that way are practically nil.



Traditionally, "til death do you part" worked before penicillin and folks often died in their 30's. Other important factors were, women's inability to control birth and lack of access to education. When a woman can't leave a marriage it can be maintained, at a cost to the woman. As the main reasons for marriage have eroded, there are few left. One would be religious beliefs (to contain sexual behavior), children and love.





One would hope that having children would help couples stay together by a sense of obligation and help the couple avoid temptation to leave an unhappy situation. Sadly it does so for fewer than it should.

Which leaves Love. The problem with love is, it fades, gets distracted, becomes boring, or demanding or 1000's other things. A professor of mine once told me, "Americans aren't against marriage, they're just against the one they're in."


So, why do we do this to ourselves? It is like making an investment in a stock that always goes down.

I have a friend who gets in and out of relationships faster than I change shorts. She is always elated (with pictures even) at the beginning and is always distraught at the ending. What is the point?

Are we in it for the feeling? That heady rush of neurotransmitters? The tachycardia? The sex? We delude ourselves into thinking, this time it will last. Which is exactly the way a drug addict thinks and behaves. Many songwriters have made this association and we glorify the experience.

One problem is we are saddled with a belief system about 3 generations past. The amazing medical and societal changes determine our behavior but how emotions and expectations lag behind.

What are we to do? Continue to subject ourselves to the repeated misery of breaking up? The cycle of intoxication and detoxification? Do we need a 12 step program for love?