another kidney stone

Last night at 12:30am I had to call my brother to have him take me to the hospital to get relief from rather excruciating pain. I knew I had a stone passing but suddenly the pain meter went to 8. Got a great physician and got fixed up. Which means pain relief. Often this indicates that the stone is closer to passing. Drinking water, lots of water. Come on stone pass already, I got a life to live.



Finished "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" and started "Aztec." Still plouging through "The Master Switch."  Magazines; "PC World", "Acoustic Guitar", "Rolling Stone", "Music and Musicians", and "The New Yorker."

Listening to "A Perfect Circle", "The Flaming Lips", "The Velvet Underground", and "Fishbone."

Shows this weekend, "Yo Mama's Big Fat Booty Band" and "Conspiritor."

Watching "Castle" season 2.

New PDA is working well, eats battery power though. Looks like the extended battery is in my near future.

the HTC Thunderbolt

Verizon started building out their 4g network in anticipation of their first 4g phone, the HTC Thunderbolt. The phone was made available for purchase a few days ago and mine arrived on Thursday. It is based on the Android operating system, by Google. This is my first departure from the Windows operating system in my last 2 pda's. Presently running ver. 2.2 with the upgrade to 2.3 to be released soon.

This pda, being from Google is all about data organization. It will be of much greater utility if you have been using Google for your email, calendar and contacts. All of this will be accessed by the pda when you set it up. It also can access your Facebook site and include you FB friends' contact information and integrate is as well. All data can be accessed from the phone app, the contacts, and the Facebook app.

There are about 28gb of storage space. Music player, FM radio, Pantara and I shall try out internet radio tomorrow.  When connected to the WiFi, it will access the media on any of my computers and external hard drive and I can play anything stored on any of my various drives wirelessly. It is easy to load music using the HTC sync app very quickly. Outlook data can be sync'd as well (haven't tried that yet).

There are many apps that can be downloaded and installed. I have installed Google maps and there is a built in GPS that seems to work pretty well. I'll be putting that through it's paces too. Weather app (not working yet).

I'll be adding to this review over the next few days. So far, phone, contact manager, music player, and gps. Oh and Internet access is nearly as fast as my home network. Works with my Bluetooth ear piece, too.

Overall, quite pleased.

romance

I'm confused again. What about romance is worth it? We know that each time we enter in, that it will fail. Very hard to achieve a level of the same feelings in both partners. Even if that can be achieved, the odds of it remaining that way are practically nil.



Traditionally, "til death do you part" worked before penicillin and folks often died in their 30's. Other important factors were, women's inability to control birth and lack of access to education. When a woman can't leave a marriage it can be maintained, at a cost to the woman. As the main reasons for marriage have eroded, there are few left. One would be religious beliefs (to contain sexual behavior), children and love.





One would hope that having children would help couples stay together by a sense of obligation and help the couple avoid temptation to leave an unhappy situation. Sadly it does so for fewer than it should.

Which leaves Love. The problem with love is, it fades, gets distracted, becomes boring, or demanding or 1000's other things. A professor of mine once told me, "Americans aren't against marriage, they're just against the one they're in."


So, why do we do this to ourselves? It is like making an investment in a stock that always goes down.

I have a friend who gets in and out of relationships faster than I change shorts. She is always elated (with pictures even) at the beginning and is always distraught at the ending. What is the point?

Are we in it for the feeling? That heady rush of neurotransmitters? The tachycardia? The sex? We delude ourselves into thinking, this time it will last. Which is exactly the way a drug addict thinks and behaves. Many songwriters have made this association and we glorify the experience.

One problem is we are saddled with a belief system about 3 generations past. The amazing medical and societal changes determine our behavior but how emotions and expectations lag behind.

What are we to do? Continue to subject ourselves to the repeated misery of breaking up? The cycle of intoxication and detoxification? Do we need a 12 step program for love?

no cancer

Just got home from the oncologist's office. This week's cancer screening was all clear, no sign of cancer anywhere. He recently called me "a walking miracle." 2 1/2 years now.

Today he said I was way, way out on the edge of the Bell curve.

Last time he said I was a Statistical outlier.


Think I'll celebrate by enjoying life today.

show reviews

newest: first time in Jambands.com. now is it in Relix as well?

 

http://www.jambands.com/the-loop/2011/03/18/revisiting-band-of-joy

 

 

Festival reviews

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/866/30/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/1231/30/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/1009/30/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show reviews:

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/2267/29/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/1871/29/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/1856/29/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/1776/29/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/1501/29/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/1434/29/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/966/29/

 

 

http://www.honesttune.com/content/view/936/29/

 

 

Probably several more I haven't included here. I'll get around to digging them up and adding them.

a philosophy of greed

I find it almost unimaginable that the philosophy of self-interest of Ayn Rand is gaining in popularity these days. I can only explain it as either complete ignorance of what this view of life entails or that there is a creeping selfishness in this country. A philosophy that justifies complete self-interest, the myth of the Marlboro Man. A "I got mine and fuck you" notion of society. Gordon Gekko would be the personification her ideal.

Leaving aside that she is poor writer, her novels espouse an idea that is completely contrary to any compassionate view of helping others. It's like she read and misunderstood Nietzsche. 

As a teenager I tried to read Atlas Shrugged (not knowing anything about her) and could not even get through the first few chapters. I recall reading it was closely akin to eating dog shit.

So why is she gaining popularity? Look at what has happened to our economy, a direct application of her sick, twisted, ideas. I am disgusted.
-- 

Russell, the wonder bean. (doesn't he look like a coffee bean?)

As Skye has gotten older she isn't able to take the long walks everyday. So Russell and I have started walking at night for a little exercise. That has worked out well and now we are taking a walk during the day. On Wednesday we started obedience training, sit stay and heel. I anticipated a bit of resistance as Russell can be headstrong and independent. Russell adapted very quickly and seem to find a little joy in following the new rules for walking. I've trained all of my dogs before but have never found a dog who learned and obeyed in one session. We continued the lessons yesterday and Russell fell right in line. I waited until Russell was two before starting training, owing to all his unfocused energy. Naturally there are moments of testing and distraction. He is responding so well. I think he really likes to please.

I have avoided treating the puppies differently, but Russell needs more exercise (as do I). Even yesterday, Skye didn't even want to go for a walk, as she in her way, just stared and held her ground as we prepared to head out. So my new plan is to give each dog what they want rather than trying to treat them the same.

I've rented the one bedroom apartment (finally). Today I'm tethered to the house until the delivery guy appears with my new phone. I chose the new HTC Thunderbolt, the only 4G phone Verizon has to offer. This is my third HTC/Windows pda. Tonight is UNC basketball at 7pm and then I'll drive into Charlotte to see The Mantras play at the Neighborhood Theater. I'll take the camera of course. Hope it is not too awkward seeing Brian. I have no idea if he is aware of my continuing friendship with his ex-girlfriend. Although we rarely speak of him.

OK delivery man, show up already. I got things to do! Damn deliveries requiring signatures.

Russell and training

A Time for Planning

I think I've put this off long enough. Should have had it done before the cancer and certainly afterwards through the surguries. But I'm still here and I guess I'll do it today. Time to write my Living Will. It is weird that facing death didn't seem as bad as just thinking about it. Denial is a very important skill sometimes. Under what conditions shall I choose death over life? I do not have any religious or moral postion that would guide or dictate in this matter. Makes a little sense to believe in an afterlife, because if you are wrong, you'll never know there isn't. Everything will just stop. Lights out. If there is, I'm sure it'll be interesting.

Here I go.

Friends will arrive, friends will disappear

I am still in a state of social anomie. I just don't know where I fit anymore. Not having a career or a job has been a part of this loss of social network. Being ill for so long and not being able to take part in my usual activities distances me from people I used to see. Even when I go to a show, fewer and fewer people I once knew show up. Last show I attended I only knew a few people and I didn't want to see them. I saw the pictures from that night, this morning, and it made me sad.

I've been spinning down since the break up of my last marriage. I starting going to a few shows, often without Harriet, who was then working ungodly hours. Once she left I felt badly about leaving Skye (my corgi dog) alone as she did not take to the loss of Harriet well. I spent about a year just coming home to my puppies every night and staying with them.

Afterwards I starting going out to shows and started shooting bands. This gave me a place in the band scene and made me lots of new friends. Making a dozen major festivals and hundreds of shows and getting passes and being friends with the bands and backstage access helped me create a life. In the months before the cancer was discovered I'd found a girlfriend and we were happy in spite of the difficulties of distance and her disapproving family. About two years later that crashed. My fatigue continued and even when I could get to a show, I felt estranged from so many of my old friends. I just felt like they'd turned on me. I still feel that way.

I've never liked going places alone and liked even less, getting somewhere and not knowing anyone. Yet that is what is occurring more and more often. Even NA, which has always been an important part of my social life seems to be failing me. I really miss having friends and no avenue I have tried had helped me find a social context.

I am sure I have blogged all this before but I just seem to be feeling it more. Probably the pictures I was viewing kicked it off. I've certainly never spent so much time alone. Much time to think, for good or bad. Kind of running out of ideas.

I hope to have lunch with two new friends this week.

UNC - Duke ACC tournament this afternoon and Area Service Committee (for which I may be late). Taking puppies out in a minute and a a little house cleaning. Russell and I have been taking long and brisk walks in the evenings. He seems to like them and that dog can walk me into the ground, even with tiny little legs.

I'm reading "The Master Switch" and "The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo." Listening to "Rage Against the Machine", "Public Enemy", "Cake" and a bunch of 80's New Wave.

Patience.

this weather cannot make up it's mind

Hard Rain - Sun - Wind - Hard Rain - Bright Sun - Wind.

Guys came to fix the ceiling this morning. Took 5.5 hours.

Big solar X-ray storm yesterday. Oddly shortwave reception was excellent here. Logged a bunch of Brazilian regionals pushing between 5 - 10kW.

It is now sunset and time to surf the "gray line." When the sunset of sunrise at the receiving or broadcasting side, the signal may be enhanced. Generally the two best time of the day. When the gray line covers both the broadcasting and receiving locations is the most desirable and most likely time to receive that illusive Dx catch.

My Smugmug Photosite

The beginning of April marks the 5th anniversary of my starting my Smugmug account for displaying my photographs. I tried some of the free one's, but found them all inadequate. Eventually I had to sign up for the professional account in order to add a watermark. I am happy to let people download my photos but I kept finding them across the Internet without being credited. Every shot on my site (except the few taken of me by others) was processed in Photoshop. I've posted over 10,000 shots since I started it. That represents a serious amount of time in post production. I roughly estimate I post about 15% of the shots I take. Which calculates to around 65,000 shots. Starting with my Fuji S2, then to a Nikon D200 and then to a D300.






I've previous blogged on the reasons for shooting. Now that way more people are shooting at shows (must have made it look fun) I find fewer reasons to drag out the camera. I would like to shoot something other than crowded shows with poor lighting. Kind of been there, done that. I'm thinking portraits. Guess I'll start carrying my cards and looking for volunteers.

http://jambandfan.smugmug.com/

Rainy Sunday morning

Feeling lazy and philosophical this morning. It that how all philosophy began?

It is raining and windy today. Oddly even Skye wanted to go out and she hates the rain. We walked in a driving rain, for more than 30 minutes.

I haven't had so much time on my hands and so little responsibility since summer time in high school. It is so unfamilar, I was a full time college student for over 13 years and another 3 years of dissertation writing. When in Information Technology I was responsible 24/7 and I only got a break when I left the country. I'd find more to do if I could find the energy. As I cannot predict when the fatigue will hit, the reality is it keeps me from making commitments.  I guess I never imagined the life I have now. It's not bad, just way different than I ever expected.

Oh, looks like the rain stopped.

Confessions of a Jam Band Fan

Music is one of the most important parts of my life. As a child my mother played jazz records around the house. When I was 7 I would listen to the Beatles before going to school. We had "Meet the Beatles" and the Beatles "Second Album." We went to see "Hard Days Night" and "Help." When I was 10 my mother gave me a little portable record player that folded up to be carried. When she bought it, it came with 10 45rpm singles. The first single I bought was "Build me up Buttercup" by The Foundations.

I started listening to all the great 60's bands, Cream, Hendrix, the Allman Brothers, Santana, Black Sabbath, The Grateful Dead, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, and The Who. It was maybe the best period of popular music ever. When I was 14 a friend of mine needed a bassist and asked me to join his band. He was also the guy who introduced me to marijuana. I would play along with the records I loved and was heavily influenced by Phil Lesh, Barry Oakley, and Roger Waters. My first bass was a Fender Precision with a Fender Bassman amp.

I saw my first live show in August 1972, an all day concert at the Metrolina Fairgrounds about 15 miles from here. All I remember is that Brownsville Station played right before Chuck Berry. I attended many shows at the Charlotte Coliseum while in high school. For Christmas I got my first acoustic 6 string, A Yamaha FG-180. In the Spring of 1974 I first heard the music of Frank Zappa on a low powered AM station (WRPL). I skipped out of school the next day to drive to Charlotte to buy "Overnight Sensation." At one point I owned over 50 studio albums by Zappa. In 1975 I bought Bob Dylan's "Blood on the Tracks." and started playing more Dylan than ever.

During college I was exposed to jazz and jazz fusion and listened to Corea, McLaughlin, Clarke, Cobham, Davis and many others.

In the 80's I was into New Wave and Punk. I joined a band with two high school friends playing rock and roll, punk, and punked by Beatles classics. We were called The Mods. In 1984 I started grad school and a friend reintroduced me to the Grateful Dead. He took me to my first shows in 1987.

Later that year I moved to Athens, Ga. to work on another graduate degree. Indie music capital of the world. I was in heaven. I sold all my electric equipment so I wouldn't be tempted to join a band (and bought a Yairi acoustic which I still have). Classes, studying and clinical work kept me from the scene for the most part. After I completed my coursework, I was back into the scene.

In 1996 the same guy, Mike, who took me to my first Grateful Dead show, took me to Merlefest, one of the largest Bluegrass festivals in the U.S. I'd been to several Bluegrass shows before but this kicked off an a nine year love affair. I attended Merlefest 9 times in the next 9 years and dozens and dozens and dozens of shows. The lure of the jam was still in my bones. Bluegrass can jam, but I needed more.

I started back to rock shows when I was living with a college student who favored WideSpread Panic and Phish. We saw Further, the Dead, Blues Traveler, and Panic. The she found an ad for JamCruise (4) and that rekindled my love of the jam and offered a way to discover new bands. Between 2005 and 2008 I have seen way over two hundred shows and bands. I flew to Amsterdam (Jam in the Dam 2006) to see Umphreys McGee and the Disco Biscuits and on the second night, on an impulse, took my Fuji S2 camera. Since then I've posted over 9,000 band photos from hundreds of shows.

During the summer of 2008 I developed cancer in my brain, slowing me down a bit. Consigned to the home in recovery, I have discover Torrents (music that can be downloaded without the pesky issue of payment). My tastes have expanded and find myself listening to all kinds of music. Lately I've been into Alice in Chains, A Perfect Circle and Tool. I have tickets for The Flaming Lips and two nights of WideSpread Panic, 24 years after my first Panic show. I have more than a dozen shows on the calendar for March and April.

Here's to Music!