Friday, May 25, 2012

more on acceptance

I think acceptance in no way means resignation. I've been fighting what I'm experiencing. I just keep trying to live a life I cannot live. I hope to get better and be able to do the things I want, but that is not today. Accepting that doesn't mean I'm resigned to it. I just means I've got to quit feeling badly over the fact that I am disabled and cannot live the life I had before.


My way of dealing with adversity is to analyze my responses to the context in which I find myself. My response is what drives me crazy, not the context or new situation. I mean life can suck beyond the telling, but sometimes that cannot be changed. The only thing left is how I adapt. I've been driving myself crazy trying to hold on to the old life. I liked the old life. I have a habit of letting go poorly, claw marks on everything I've ever lost. It's easy to see this intellectually, not so easy emotionally.


I am accepting this new life full of post cancer and post cancer treatments issues. Like everything in my life, not fast enough. I was hoping to be in better shape (than I am) by now. I've made great strides so far, but it is a slow, slow, slow process. As is my acceptance.


On a more positive note. I've made an appointment to visit the puppies June 9. Maybe someone new will come live with Russell and me.







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