Off to pick strawberries this morning with my friend Marsha.
Had the strangest dream Tuesday night. I dreamed I was sick, like with the flu. Awoke thinking I was going to feel horrible and after the headache abated, I felt pretty good. All of my symptoms, mostly from the various treatments for the cancer, are lessening. I am feeling better, less pain and more energy. Walking everyday with Russell, who is getting better on-leash. He is naturally good off-leash being a herding dog. Waiting to hear from Fairwyn farms about new puppies.
I missed two shows this week. I hope I can get back into a place where I can make shows without a lot of effort. I wish that when I get to a show, that I know somebody there.
I am still trying to find my new life. I am so reminded of my childhood and adolescence. When we, Russell and me, are out walking, the sounds and smells and sights take me back to those days of being amazed by everything. I walk around town seeing the same houses and buildings as when I was 6 years old, taking the same paths as when I was walking to school in the 1st grade. I haven't had the free time I do now, since I was in high school. I drive the same roads, take the same walks and, on occasion, listen to the same music.
Who I am is a more fluid concept than I've experienced in a while. After all this life, you'd think I'd be better at adjusting to life's changes. In developmental psychology, there are normative and non-normative events. Normative events are those life events that are common to most people, graduating high school, getting married, having kids. Non-normative events affect life but are not predictable, as serious illness, being hit by a bus, divorce. It is these non-normative events that are hardest to integrate back into life. These are the unexpected events and thus, hard to plan for whatever comes.
I like to plan. I like to cover any foreseeable events. Like they say, "you never expect the spanish inquisition." You never expect cancer and never expect both the damage from the treatment and you never expect to live through it.
Hard to plan for all of these events. I've found it hard to anticipate the psychological changes that occur. Much less figuring out who I am. A serious lack of meaning, as I have always defined it. Piaget once said, "Intelligence is the ability to adapt." So I'm adapting. Slower than I'd like, faster than I should expect.
Just got back from a small adventure with Marsha. We headed out in the Z3 (top down) without functioning GPS and spent an hour driving around the country roads of three different counties. We did find the farm and picked 2 gallons of red strawberries apiece. Marsha could taste the difference in this part of the row and further down. Our little unskilled labor experiment. Just finished putting up 8 quarts.
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