New Years Eve

Two days into the final chemo. It's been worse and I'm hoping to get over it quickly. A lovely morning here in Davidson, 55 degrees at 10:30, sunny blue skies. Maybe puppies will get a long outdoor playtime.

Think I'd better get a guitar in my hands before the next wave of unpleasantness hits.

Seems that everyone is ready to kiss 2011 goodbye and start 2012 with a renewed sense of optimism.

One of the most amazing things about us humans is our ability to see a brighter future than our present.   

home from chemo and ...joke

Home from 7 hours of chemo. Sick almost immediately. Last one scheduled to cure this cancer.

Watch the UNC-Elon game.

Humor ahead:

chemo tomorrow (last one)

Hi Friends,

Chemo tomorrow, so I'll spend the day getting things ready. It is easier if I don't have things I have to do for the next few days. My brother and his girlfriend will be helping out through the weekend.

Enjoying watching the Republican candidates race to the extreme right heading into the first state primaries. Personhood, my ass.

Christmas Eve Day

Christmas tomorrow. Going to my step-mother's for a late lunch. I'll pick up a couple of new sweaters and hand out gift cards. I guess without kids, the holiday is none too exciting.

Still finding it hard to walk very far. Next chemo in 5 days. The last one. Hit a fatigue spell the last couple of days. Laying in provisions for the days after chemo.

The daylight hours are few now. I'm out with the dogs each morning before the sun rises.

Watched Woody Allen's, "Midnight in Paris" today. Recommend.

Actually went to the theater to see the American remake of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" yesterday. Recommend, although the original Swedish version is better.





Restrung the Martin and much improvement. Some guitars can tolerate dying strings better than others. Also restring my 1986 Yairi, the guitar I bought to take to grad school in Athens. Even after buying 6 more great guitars (Gibson, Santa Cruz, Martin, Yamaha, Yairi) I can report that my choice in 1987 was spot on. I've always had a good ear for tone.



Think I'll go play it now.

rainy day

I just haven't been feeling all that philosophical lately. I feel like I am "circling the wagons" in my mind and in my life. Making sure I'm attending to the simple things; the house, the bills, the puppies, and my health. Once all these treatments are done, I hope to get in better physical shape, walking and working out. Sort of a physical rehabilitation.

The new antenna is working well. Now waiting for the solar conditions to create better reception. I need to take it down to make a simple adjustment. Just need to borrow a ladder.

Off to see the remake of the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" this afternoon. UNC basketball tonight.

I'll sleep well tonight

Busy day ahead (that doesn't involve a medical procedure). Up at 6am, guitar playing, some light cleaning, or dog hair removal. My mother is coming for a visit and bringing two friends from Asheville.  Angelo plays guitar and we know many of the same songs. We're both baritones, so we struggle with the harmonies. They'll stay throught the afternoon and beat it back to Asheville before the traffic gets bad.

Then the piano movers will arrive, bringing a check. Took me three years to sell this damn piano. I hate that this piano brought so little money that I can't even buy a decent Gibson acoustic. Oh well. Like I need another guitar, lol.

UNC basketball late tonight.

My guests should be arriving in and hour or so, and I should get moving.

weird day

This morning I awake to find my back porch awash in water. The water seemed to have come in through the screen as though introduced through a large hose. I look around  and ask the workman next door if they had done it. Come to find out my upstairs tenet had left the water on again. Last time cost $650 to repair the ceiling. This time it ruined two Persian carpets that has been safe and dry out there for 4 years. Rick has offered to pay for them. I probably spent about $1,100 on them. I could file on my homeowners and just let him pay the deductible. The plan now is to let the water dry and assess the damage.

Then back to the second day of trying to get my dental insurance to pay their part, of a year old bill. Hours on the phone and looking for documents that are 3 years old. What I won't do for a $1,000. May have succeeded. Again.

My ex- and friend Vicki sent me another hat for Christmas. 

Woman interested in the piano has agreed to buy it. Not getting what I'd like but this is the 3rd Christmas. I've tried to sell it and she is only the second person to ever see it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a day and it's only 1:30p

OK, must walk into study and get to paying those bills. Then guitar playing. A woman is coming back for the third time to look at the piano I have for sale. Would love to sell that piano. My ex-wife (#4) bought this on an impulse but rarely played it. I tried to get her to take it, repeatedly and now it reminds me of her. It is a beautiful instrument and I hate to see it not being played. Hope she buys it. I long thought another Gibson guitar was hiding in there only waiting to be released. Even I realize that I have enough guitars. For now.

New shortwave antenna is kicking ass. First station worked, R. Mil in southern Mexico broadcasting with 1kw power.  Ordered new antenna tuner hoping this time they build it better. Now bring on the solar flares.

addendum: Hours on the phone being shuttled and dropped by insurer. If all this worked we'll know in 30-40 days.  I'll call to save $1,000. Worse, I've been here twice before. Be dropping these guys soon.

Fixed upstairs toilet. no call yet from piano customer. think it is nap time.

that took long enough

Wow, eight days of severe side effects. But today, better. Nineteen days off as I wanted to wait until after Christmas for my last treatment. I mean really, who wants to be sick on Christmas. Soon after that I'll start the radiation treatments and will see how that goes.

Late Friday night my corgi, Skye,  had another seizure (her 4th). I was able to get the medication to her and this time halt the seizure and she seemed to come out of it much better. Afterwards she started exhibiting some rather odd behavior, going up to Russell, the other corgi, and putting her face close on his face which scared him as this is the traditional opening for corgi duels. He is eventually just had to run out the room because she wouldn't stop. Then she started following me around and I'm doing all these little things before bed and she's following around me house. I think this is probably the only dog who ever get better from having seizures. In a way we both seem to be getting along well.

On Friday afternoon, enlisting the aid of my neighbor Phil, we installed the new DX Loper antenna to the side of the house and to a nearby tree.  As the sun set and the gray line phenomenon began, I logged on to the computer software to test the antenna. Using the MFJ antenna tuner I was able to A/B the first antenna up against the news Loper. Everything I tried suggested the original antenna 80 foot inverted L seem to out produce the new antenna. Tested this for some time and at one point removed the antenna tuner and directly attached the new antenna to the SDR radio. Same results for the Sloper antenna. it performed worse, and with way more static, than the original. Now the simplest explanation is the switch itself doesn't work or it has somehow been installed backwards. Considering I sent this unit back to the factory twice for repairs, it's certainly possible that mistakes were made. Or rather more mistakes were made. But now, set up the original configuration again, the Sloper in slot 1 and as long as I kept it on the original antenna second it seemed to work very well. I am at a loss to explain this meeting really makes no sense unless there is some interaction between the two antenna. However there is almost no point where these two even are mounted near each other they follow the same pass for about 2 feet before entering the house. Besides this is a RG-8 coaxial and is well shielded. My only other guess is,  could possibly be that there something loose. But, this is premade and I checked every connection before putting it up and we were not rough and putting it up .

This morning I awoke early tell well rested and decided to see what the bands were like. It's just before six local time so roughly an hour before sunrise and that the beginning of the gray line path. Without fooling with the antenna(s), I  just decided to see what, in the best configuration, what I could hear. One of the first things I picked up was a 1 kW station down in southern Mexico. I noticed that everything seemed stronger, clearer and easier to tune. I was able to get my wireless headphones and equalizer, all working and my signal chain was now complete even if inexplicable. One of the goals for setting up a second antenna was to be able to work the tropical bands, 120 m and 90 m. I was able to pick up WWV on 2.5 MHz for the first time. I shall continue to tease out this apparent paradox over the next few days and enjoy the fact that I have now increased my signal reception into my SDR.

Well it's now 9am, the traditional time to play guitar. My housekeeper is coming at 11:30am, so I’ll have to cleanup before she comes to clean up. Made Chili for lunch and now relaxing.

must be feeling better

Must have turned the corner on chemo #3. Taking an extra week off for Christmas so I should have an extra week of feeling better.

This morning I head to the guitar room and pick up the J-200 to working on my finger picking and flat picking. I like the wider neck for picking styles. Worked through "Deep River Blues", "Carefree Highway", and "Closing Time", among others. I tend to work on newer songs until I get them shaped, then they get back in general rotation. I have tried lots of songs, always choosing songs I really like. Then after getting them done, I work on them until I decide to keep it or toss it. There are a lot of great songs that just don't work with my voice or I can't get them to sound right with a solo voice and a single guitar.

I played for about an hour and took a short break, only to return to the room and the Santa Cruz and go electric. I worked on using the new preamp, the LR Baggs Para DI. The on to make the 1st effects patch for the Santa Cruz. Not bad. Need to learn a bit more about the Zoom A2 and the effects since every knob and switch seem to change multiple effects depending on the positions of the main switches.

The new pickup, the Baggs Anthem, sounds excellent, almost transparent. Been really happy with the 80/20 bronze strings. They've been on the Santa Cruz for about a week now. They were bright at first but now mellowing to a rich deep tone.

25 ft. of coax (PL-259 connections) arrived yesterday and all is ready to install a second shortwave antenna. Just need a 25 foot ladder and someone to climb and install the high end of the wires. I do not like ladders. At least the solar conditions, responsible for radio wave propogation, are finally improving. Looking forward to working the 90 and 160 meter (or topical) bands.

Brother Eric coming to watch the UNC basketball game tonight.

oh Skye suffered another seizure yesterday but came out of it well and with another bath.

3rd chemo

in the middle of the 3rd round of chemo. Not feeling very chatty. No worse than usual. See ya.

Spotify

I don't like to shill for a company but I do like sharing what I discover that may be useful to my readers.

Today is Spotify the music cloud company. After trying it out I decided to go whole hog and pay for the premium service. Adding this give you the ability to move music to your phone and even play it offline. Also plays the music at a higher bitrate. On the computer software you can search and play nearly anything you can imagine. Spotify claims to have 13,000,000 songs available. I have been able to think of a few songs they didn't have but, it wasn't easy. Looking at the new releases listed in Rolling Stone, I was able to find the newest releases.  May be the end of my downloading days.

Ok, now I'm sold. I just found McCoy Tyner's "Fly with the Wind" and not only that but the original studio version. I've been look for this for years. Sold!!!

An out-of -town friend is coming for a visit shortly. Hope she stays a day or two.

Black Friday

Good morning friends,

Busy, busy. Had the annual get together at my house last night of high school friends who come back to town to visit their families for the holiday. I think this is the 5th year we've done this. At least this year I didn't wait until Thankgiving Day to find snacks for the guests.

Got a hit on my ad to sell the piano. She asked to come see it this morning but has not confirmed so I won't wait around. I once sold a piano the day before I moved and had hidden all the boxes in another room so the buyer wouldn't know and sold that day. So Shelly and I are heading out to shop for silly hats for my bald head. Yes, into the throws of Black Friday shopping.

I've had to the Mastertone 80/20's strings on the Santa Cruz guitar for about a week now. This is the 4th set I've tried, looking for just the right sound. I am delighted with these strings and shall declare the search over. Adding new songs to the list, "Closing Time" (supersonic), "Deep River Blues" (doc watson), "Carefree Highway" (gordan lightfoot), and "Learning to Fly" (foo fighters), among others. All great songs. I am enjoying playing more than ever. I'm in the guitar room by 9am each morning these days.

Better get ready to go.

Happy Thanksgiving!

ok, better.

Getting better. Saturday was Georgia football day. Beating Kentucky and clinching the SEC East title was most excellent. Go Dawgs!!

Sunday my friend Shelly came up to have breakfast at Toast. We then just wandered around campus, sharing our distaste for so many things. We met while we were both working at Lance Crackers. Even both of us leaving that employ, we've remained friends and have lunch about once a month. We are branching out this weekend when Shelly will help me in my search for hats for my bald head.

Some how I agreed to lunch with my step-mother and her twin sister, 2 hours later. Needless to say, I brought lunch home. The brother Eric comes over to watch the UNC basketball game, then Mexican as usual. Busy day for me.

Today hours with the HVAC repair guy and other errands. As the temperature rose above 70, dropped the top, and took a drive in the country.

Thanksgiving night, high school friends will meet here, 5th year in a row.

In the guitar room. Guitar of the day, Martin D-15.  Finally got the Pre-amp chained to the effects pedal, then the microphone into the voice correct and the vocal harmonizer, and all into the looper and then to the Amp and the sub. Loaded the recording software and used the new Snowball microphone to record a few songs. Listening back to practice is so helpful, especially help in my vocal phrasing. It is so hard to hear and evaluate my singing while singing, even amplified. I have such a long way to go ...

Found a new song to play, Closing Time by Semisonic. excellent.

rainy day

Good morning.

It's raining here today. Looks like it'll be raining all day. The Corgi's seem to know this and have sacked out for the morning. Today the rain is saying to me, play the guitar. Think I'll change the strings on the Yamaha LL26 today. I've started working on Doc Watson's, "Deep River Blues" and "St. James Infirmary."





I haven't been listening to the shortwave radio as much lately. Solar conditions are improving and it's time to get a better antenna up in the air. I've choosen one that should pull in the tropical bands. My existing antenna does not pull in the 60/90/120/160 meter bands very well. I believe it is not placed high enough. The new one will be hung 25 feet up (or as high as I can) and sloop downward to about 9 feet. I think I'll order it today. Then I'll need to the extra coax and fittings. Once I get everything together, I'll get the workmen next door to bring over a ladder and place the high end on the roof and the lower end to a nearby tree or pole.

Getting over the chemo is taking longer than I'd like. Maybe it'll be over by the weekend.

I have been remiss

Hi All,

Last Tuesday my mother came to visit and brought a friend who plays guitar. Angelo and I played for 2 hours. Close to the same age, we knew lots of the same song. Both being baritones made is challenging, each waiting for the other to take the harmony. It was great.

Started the 2nd round of chemo this week. Was feeling pretty good before, except for a tension headache that lasted three days. So far not so bad as last time. Certainly better prepared, with food, otc meds, my brother and his girlfriend Dawn staying with me and cooking. I'm not sleeping well, but hell we are talking about chemotherapy. Should be better soon, few days.

I'm becoming optimistic about this. Send good vibes.

Good morning world

Hello world.

I am enjoying a very quiet Saturday morning. Puppies wanted to go out before dawn (insert big yawn here). Naturally, having gone out and then been fed, both puppies are fast asleep on the floor. I'm a bit envious. Smetimes I wish I could understand what's going on in the minds of these two corgis. Two nights ago Skye decided to take off and went running down the street.  She made to the end of the block before I was able to coax her to come home. I have no idea where she was going and what she was thinking. Damn dog was just running down the street.

I'm continuing to feel better each day since the chemo. The next treatment is scheduled for later next week. I'm not too crazy about that, but at least I'm a bit more prepared and have an idea what to expect.

This morning I loaded the stat counter in order to see where my Internet traffic was originating. My blog seems to be most popular on the East Coast of the U.S., but there were many countries also listed. I'd like to welcome readers from Chile, Brazil,  the UK, France, Germany, Spain, Italy, Romania, Russia, India, Canada, Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, New Zealand, Switzerland Germany, Belgian, Thailand, the Netherlands, Taiwan, Japan, Mexico, Argentina, Portugal, Australia, Switzerland, and Denmark.

 This afternoon my Georgia Bulldogs will face-off against New Mexico for homecoming. I haven't checked the point spread yet but I feel sure Georgia will easily defeat New Mexico. South Carolina is playing much more challenging game and if they will lose my Bulldogs will be number one for the Eastern division.  Go Dawgs!! Woof, Woof.

Tonight one of my favorite bands is playing in Charlotte but I haven't been able to find anyone to accompany me and I'm a little concerned about going alone. I guess I'll see how I feel around nine the clock tonight and if I feel comfortable driving so far.

Well, I think it's time to finish this blog and go play the guitar. Today's blog was dictated using the Dragon speech-to-text software. Signing off.

hair falling out

Yesterday while in the shower, I found my hair beginning to fall out. I thought I'd keep it a little longer. Even the beard is falling at as well. So, I'm going to finish my coffee, shower, shave off what's left of the beard and go out for breakfast. Then I'll head to Norton's barber shop and ask them to shave my head. (last time I was there I wasn't too happy with my haircut.) I don't see how they can screw this up, lol.

Sadly I'm not one of those for whom baldness really works, I just look like I have no hair. I haven't  been clean shaven in too many years to count. My hair all fell out in the fall of 2008 after the radiation for the brain tumors. To everyone's surprise, most of my hair did grow back.

As I told a friend, "well at least I'll look like I have cancer and not having to explain why I'm so ill."

So, the speech to text app (Dragon) that I installed the other day works pretty well. I find the accuracy and correct spelling to be impressive. I think the hard part will be re-learning to dictate, which I did in my professional life. For no good reason I'm typing this rather than using the app.

Well, time to get shaving. Sadly I'll miss my beard. Hope after all the chemo that everything will start to grow back.

Bye hair, bye beard.

1:00pm

Back from the barber's shop and all the hair and beard is gone. Head is chilly. Need to buy hats. No pictures yet.

another day

November 1. Time marches on no matter what. As I get older, time passes more quickly. I was feeling better today, until I decided to go play the guitar. When I walk into the guitar room to play I look at my choices and grab the one that calls out. Today the Yairi WY-1-12 was calling the loudest. This is a 12 string guitar which requires stronger hand. I played for almost an hour and afterwards I my left side was sore, sore, sore. Broke out the old Doc Watson tune, "Deep River Blues."



Chelsey wrote back saying she would try to make it here for the PGroove show this Saturday. I would like this. Bet I can find the energy to make it to the show if properly inspired.


This is the 2006 Yairi WK-1-12. Handmade in Japan based on the original WK designed by Bob Weir. Sitka top and rosewood b/s makes is a bright and sparkly sound when strummed. I bought this guitar from a guy in California. It arrived with a couple of issues that my guitar tech was able to repair, but at a cost of over $200. My tech changed out the bridge and set the action and the difference in tone and volume was amazing. The 12 string guitar is fairly limited but when you need a 12 string you need a 12 string.

Saturday morning

Good morning my friends and faithful readers,

Well, the chemo has almost run it's course. Like a big truck running crazy through my whole body. I now have two weeks to recover before the second round starts.  Somewhat better prepared for next time.

One of my favorite bands, PGroove, whom I've shot many times, is playing in Charlotte next weekend. I need to find someone to take me. Email sent to get photo pass for the show.

As a regular reader here you know I love to do product reviews. The next review will be on a hardware/software product I have been following since it's inception in the late 1980's. Dragon Naturally Speaking is up to version 11.5 so I'm hoping they have found all the bugs. This is software designed to take human speech and convert it into text. I'll be setting up soon and see how it goes. It just seems so cool.

Georgia football takes on Florida this afternoon. When I was attending UGA, this was one of the highlights of the year. Never did get tickets through the lottery for this game.

Hi Ya'll

Thursday, one week into the chemo. Feeling better, but so slowly. Yea, I'm impatient.  I am thankful for all those around me who have been so helpful. 

Lovely day outside. 75 degrees. House opened to catch the breeze.

day 3 of 1st chemo treatment

Unpleasant to be sure, but I feared it would be worse. Mostly fatigue, nausea, general uneasiness, kinda like a bad Mexican dinner at one of those trailers. Well I've never eaten at one of those, but I've been poisoned by my local Mexican restaurant enough to know.

It was cold this morning on the puppies' walk. Well, not this cold, but chilly. This is what I looked like this morning.


The best way to deal with the discomfort is to share a conversation with a friend. This week I have had several great conversations. Helps me get out of myself. Serious illness and solitude can bring the consciouness to fold in on itself and start a loop of symptom focus and then all becomes suffering.

So call. It is the best medicine.

update

Completed a 7 hour course of chemo today. I think the plan is to bore the cancer cells to death. Ready for whatever comes in the next few days. I think the horror stories in my mind were echos from chemo experiences years ago. The chance to finally remove the cancer is worth the battle.

I had a 2 1/2 hour phone conversation with my cousin, Elizabeth T. (avoiding the google search, lol). She was asking questions about his life before he became a family man. I was close to her father while I was growing up and even a factor in my choices of colleges (well first time at college anyway). Wofford T. was my mother's younger brother. I told her lots of stories, but I have lots more.

Cousin was sworn to secrecy.

Here are two random pics of my favorite subjects.

baby Russell

Skye and young Russell

Chemo

Hi all. Sitting in the chemotherapy room. Got here about 9am ( now 10:30). Stuck here all day. Have music and book.

Monday morning

Hello my friends and you who just like to read blogs. I'm like that, I like to read blogs, too.

Monday morning, which means almost nothing to me, is here. Feeling a little better again today. Spent the last two weeks slowly dropping the amount of pain medication. Today I found I am not ready to go off completely, still hurts too much. I just don't like the fog that I experience. That which cannot be changed, must be endured.  My surgeon said last week that I should be feeling better by Thanksgiving. Which you might note is still 5 weeks away. Perhaps I'm just impatient. Like I know how long recovery from major thoracic surgery should take, lol.


Still, I made muffins today. The first time since surgery. I'll take that as a positive sign. Also managed to go out to eat twice yesterday.


I was reading my last post and realized that I am beginning to resolve my dilemma about usefulness. Sometimes the resolution comes easily once the question is properly posed. Onward to make the best of what I have. Without guilt.

busted

update

Hi Friends,

A little update 'round here. I'm feeling better, better every day. Far from healed, it is still painful to use my left arm. Which when you think of it, is quite debilitating. I am able to get by of less pain medication.

I am taking this time to evaluate my life, goals, dreams, plans in light of my disabilities due to this, seemingly chronic disease. Fo so long I felt my job was to be helpful to others and studied psychotherapy.  For a long time I found the work meaningful and rewarding. After 15 years I looked at my life and decided to change careers, moving into the world of computers and information technology. After the brain tumors and radiation treatment I found I could no longer work in that field.

For the next three years I have been dealing with the unintended effects of the cancer, the surgeries (3) and the whole brain radiation. I suppose hoping to regain the mental and physical facilities, I focused on the research in the field, searching for anything that might return my energy and memory. I found nothing outside my own efforts that helped. I embarked on a series of activities to force my mind to work and to get my brain working. Playing music has been a great way to drill my memory but in a fun and creative way. I decided to record my playing, complete with bass guitar and mandolin and multiple guitar tracks.

Having the cancer reoccur after 3 years is a game changer. It is unlikely that I will come out of this better than I was before the new tumor. I can survive this, but it is not likely that I will but for so long.

I've been pretty driven since my mid 20's, two graduate degrees, 2 licences to practice, 3 computer certifications, learned to scuba, backpack, sail, even earned a pilot's certification. Cancer has put most of this out of my reach. So how do I live my life without that drive to succeed and accomplish? I found meaning and purpose in life through my work. Even as a network administrator, I found meaning in the beauty and efficency of a well designed network.

Here in the last few years of my life I shall move to just enjoying what life I have; friends, reading, photography, music and corgi's. Letting go has alway been hard for me, everything I've ever lost, left with claw marks. Before I let go I try everything I can think of, explore every option, and then still have trouble letting go. I've spend three years adapting to my new condition, (condition, hell), reality. Now it is time to accept that a meaningful life can be without goals and accomplishments. That I can be happy being useless. For most of my life I have felt I needed to justify my existence, to earn the life I had. Maybe I have. Maybe it is ok for others to help me along this path. Maybe I can just enjoy what I have and the time I have left.

I fear, that the remaining months of treatment will be hard, but the surgery was certainly no picnic and I have managed that. My oncologist will poison me for a few months, then shoot radiation at me for a while. Afterwards I plan on getting as healthy as I can be and relax and just enjoy the ride.

Wish me luck moving to the next phase of life.

Radiohead's "The King of Limbs"

Downloaded Radiohead's latest album, "The King of Limbs." I like it but I'm suprised that so many others seem to as well.  I am not all that well-versed in the more popular music of the last decade, so I'm listening to the big names, Radiohead, My Morning Jacket, and on and on.

Lately I have been trying out different online music systems. Pandora, Google Music beta and now Spotify.  Pandora is a site where they intend to introduce the listener to new music based on the band you select. They play bands that a similar to the one you chose. I have one "station" called, The Flaming Lips, that plays an interesting list of new bands. Google Music beta is a cloud based system where you upload your own files to the site and then can access them on any computer and Droid cell phone. Spotify is a system for listening (not downloading) to any one of 15,000,000 songs on their site. Just download the app to your computer or smart phone and type in the song or artist's name. Even with 15 millions songs, I have been able to search for songs they don't have. This site did have a fair amount of "RootBoy Slim" and you gotta respect that!

Looks like my car is the old technology. I still have to burn CD's to get music there. Someday I'll replace that system.

thought this was interesting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVkdfJ9PkRQ&feature=player_embedded

Tx plan for stage 2 lung cancer

Hi Dear Readers,

I just got home from my Oncologist's office (Dr. K.). He is recommending a post-surgical treatment plan of both chemotherapy and radiation. Ouch. Four courses of chemo over a 3 month period, each three weeks apart. Dr. says I will feel fatigued. That'll be novel, lol. A month rest and then radiation 5 times a week for 5-6 weeks.

Had visitors over the weekend. My mother (who was a perfect angel) and two friends of her's from Asheville came on Saturday. On Sunday Joel Roberts came to visit. Joel and I went to high school together. It was nice to be social.

Looks like 6 months of treatment. Damn, damn, damn. This is really getting old! So new plan is 6 months of treatment and 6 months of getting back into shape: eating, meditating, excercise, playing guitar and find the new life that is out there waiting for me. The Undiscovered Country.

Oh yea, going to lose the hair again.

I am happy to see so many people dropping by to check on my health.  I would love to write each of you but even I don't have that much time! My email address is posted here and would love a note.

Off to rest. See ya.

sorry I've been away

Recoverying from the surgery is taking longer and has been more difficult than I expected. I'll be back with more topics and interesting thoughts soon. Thanks for your patience.

hi friends

Made it to the appointment with the surgeon today. First I had to get another post-op X-ray and then take it to the appointment. Dr. Howe said the image looked good as well as the scars. He said they found a few cancer cells on one lymph node (but none on any others) and therefore I was diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer. Dr. K. and I will be making the decision about chemo or radiation, or both. I'll see Dr. K in two weeks and have that discussion.


Dr. Howe also told me to take it easy for about 2 months. With this pain being what it is, I'm going to take his advice. I have been pushing it too much as it is.

nothing much

It is Sunday morning, 70 degrees and calm. Puppies let me sleep until 8am. Dawn stayed with Eric last night. Sort of a test run to see how I'll do alone and by myself all night. This morning I couldn't manage to walk the puppies so we just wandered about the yard. Dawn will be heading home this afternoon. I should be able care for myself for now, just moving slowly and carefully. I'm feeling a little better today than yesterday. I know the best thing I can be doing is resting.

So I'll go rest.

one week post surgery

Some functioning coming online. Still hurts nearly as badly as before. I have to watch how I move and to stay relaxed. Next I think, is more sleep. Listening to Phish and will get back to watching the 1975 movie version of Camus' The Plauge, shortly. Weird movie version for sure.

The weather is wonderful, upper 70's, a slight breeze and partly cloudy.

First full day home

Today is a day for pain management. It is better if I can keep my muscles relaxed. Dr. K's office tomorrow to get the final results. Hanging in there.

Made it home

Got home around 5pm. Tired beyond all comprehension. Pain, pretty high. I'll write in greater detail ...tomorrow!

checking out of this hotel around 3:30

Got my walkin' papers and ready to check out. Should be in about 3-4 hours. I am so ready to get home.

Monday post surgery

Starting my fourth day in the hospital.  I am beyond miserable. Been up since 5:30am and here it it 8:50 and still no breakfast.The only nurse worth a damn is off until Thursday. I'm stuck with the tired and bitter type. When I asked for a medication for the itching caused by another med, I was informed I'd already had it. Well, so if it isn't working I should suffer in silence. Guess the staff has done all they are required to do.  Yesterday I had a nurse who understood her job. None of those around today. Dear God, let me out of here!!!!

tomorrow

I admit I'm a little nervous about tomorrow. I mean, major surgery! Ouch. 14 minutes before I must fast until tomorrow afternoon. Must eat now. I should be out by Tuesday but I'm planning on a speedy recovery.

College Football starts this weekend!!!

I'll write when I can.

Wish me luck.

wednesday evening

Today was the heart stress test. I passed. Very strenuous. Got introduced to a new (new to me) scanner. This one, like the PET, requires a radioactive material to be injected and the then image is created by the protons flying from my body.

I worry sometimes, maybe countless X-Rays, 25 CT's 13 MRI's, 2 PET's and today's heart monitor, itself is dangerous.

Tomorrow is interview with the anesthesiology team. Right at the top of morning rush hour. Someone said something about blood tests, too.

Friday is still surgery day. I'll be in the hospital about 5 days they tell me.

I'm watching Jean-Luc Goddard's Alphaville, released in 1965. Seems to be an existential film set on another planet (sci fi angle) with a liberal dose of "film noir." Oh and in French with English subtitles. The cinematography alone is worth price of admission. I found it on Nexflix instant view.

wikipedia.org/wiki/Alphaville

Here we Goooooooooooooooo!

I met with the surgeon this morning. He offered a time of Friday morning to perform the surgery. So, fewer than 3 days from now. I am a bit nervous. Tomorrow I have a stress test which should take 2 hours. I'll be stressed after that! Then, Thursday is blood and anesthesia appointments. After the surgery I should be in the hospital for another five days. Sure that will be alternatingly painful and boring.

Keep checking back. Thanks.

update

No hurricane here this weekend. Not much of anything this weekend. The exhuberence of last week has begun to wear a bit and the conditions under which I suffer, continue. There may be a test or tests scheduled prior to the surgery, of so have been informed of late.

Next appointment is tomorrow and I suppose, more information, of which you shall be apprised soonest.

I discovered a new stats counter for monitoring the hits on this site. I had no idea this blog was viewed, even read, by so many. Looks like a little more than half of all visitors return again. Guess I need to be more interesting. I'll monitor which posts and topics appear more interesting and add what I can. I have lots of new guitar equiptment and material coming up. Which any luck, after the surgery and recovery, I'll have something more interesting than health and cancer about which to blog.

I'm feeling that I'll be entering a new phase, a new stage soon. The old life doesn't fit any longer but I'm not sure what is coming next. Stay tuned as man goes through another metamhorphosis.

Time for a nap. May add more to this later today.

Next

I have another CT scan today. On Tuesday I'll meet with the surgeon. Dealing with pain but just so excited about the chance this will all be over soon.

Lots of music shows coming up and I'll not be able to attend these for a little while longer. Once I get this pesky tumor out of my life, I plan on hitting the atheletic club and finding my health again. Walks with Russell around town and getting back to my recording project, and dragging my camera out to shoot, will be my first goals.

Fall is around the corner, which is my favorite season. Throughout my life, Fall has symbolized the new year, as I spent so many years in school, college and graduate school. Each new year offered new beginnings, and new opportunies. I'm looking forward to making changes.

Hallelujah

Just got home from the Oncologist's. Great news (if having surgery can ever be great news). The PET showed that the cancer has not metastasized. The MRI showed no cancer. The tumor is a non small cell carcinoma but is in a form that can be removed through surgery. Dr. K thinks that this is the site of the original cancer which metastasized to my brain in 2008. If so and can be completely removed, then the odds of the cancer returning should be very low. Even if there is a bit in the lymph notes nearby, then chemo and radiation should kill the rest of the cancer cells.

My Oncologist and every other doctor I've seen in the past three years has called me a miracle. If all goes well and the surgeon is able to remove it all, they'll need a new description as the word "miracle" will be too inadequate.

Another crazy assed notion. Odds are this cancer (adenocarcinoma) was not due to tobacco use.

This could all be behind me soon.

update

I had the Broncoscopy/biopsy yesterday. Not too unpleasant. Today is the MRI and PET to gauge the extent. The symptoms are worsening rapidly. The pain is worse everyday. I am worried.

i wish

i wish it would rain so i could sleep.

tests early next week and decisions to be made

Things are beginning to move quickly. Monday morning I'll have the Broncoscopy. A narrow tube will go through the mouth and down into the lung to view and biopsy the tumor. Seems that the tumor is blocking the air passage to the lower lobe of the left lung. Today's testing showed that if possible (that is the cancer has not spread to the surrounding lymph nodes), then the removal of the lobe is possible. This would be the best option.

The next two options are predicated on the results of the PET scan and the MRI. These tests are scheduled for Tuesday. The PET is a test that reveals cancer anywhere in the body, except the brain. The MRI will show if any tumors have developed in the brain.

If the tumor is inoperable but the cancer has not spread, or metastasized, he next option is chemo and radiation. If done concurrently, the rate of success is quite high. Life expectancy could be as long as 2 years. The problem afterwards is cancer's maddening tendency to return. It is common to irradiate the brain just to be on the safe side. Having been down that road, negotiations will ensure. I just ain't got enough brain to spare any more without a definite target.

The last option is considered if the cancer has spread. Treatment is the same as two but perhaps more aggressively. In this case the treatment is not considered curative but palliative, intended to prolong life and quality of life in the remaining months. This is the time where experiment treatments are offered.

On Thursday I'll meet with my Oncologist and Pulmonologist to review the data and create a treatment plan. I suspect that things will get started right away and plans should be laid in before Thursday.

Planning away.

Cautiously Optimistic.


(no pictures 'cause that would be gross, lol)

 

Progress Report

Saw my oncologist this afternoon. He said it looks like cancer. No problems noted with the lymph nodes or the other lung. MRI and PET scan scheduled for Tuesday. Bronchoscopy will be scheduled soon. On next Thursday, I'll meet with my Oncologist again to review the data and make a plan for treatment.

Feeling pretty good and cautiously optimistic. 

(no pics)

Oncology appt. tomorrow

Welcome to my first readers in China and Italy.

Gonna try like hell to make it to the new Ziggy's in Winston-Salem to see PGroove tomorrow night. Their management has offered me the chance to show up for the sound check and I hope, dinner with the band. It's been far too long since I've gotten to spend time with them.


My blog may be changing a bit to reflect the changes in my health. I see lots of bloodwork and imaging services in my near future. Once the data is in I'll have to make decisions.

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." T. S. Eliot

shit shit shit

Just got the call from the Doctor, The CT showed a 2" tumor in my lower left lung. The nightmare begins again.

still waiting for a call about the CT

I suppose that neither doctor's offices have received the CT images. Otherwise I can't image they would leave a moderately neurotic cancer survivor hanging and waiting. I called both offices but no call yet.

<<< CT Scanner

Watched the great movie, "Long Day's Journey Into Night" this morning. Like taking a trip back to my childhood.

Now watching a Japanese Godzilla movie.



Otherwise an uneventful weekend. PGroove at the new Ziggy's in Winston-Salem Wednesday night. Invited by the new PG management to show up for sound check and to get a few of the band posing.

illness

I've been sick with a lung infection for almost three weeks. I've been on antibiotics for two weeks. My doctor, on my second visit, had an X-ray done of my lungs.  A couple of days later their office called saying that in comparing my recent X-ray with one from last December, something was "different." They scheduled a CT scan which was done today. This, being Friday, means I'll have to wait until Monday to get the results. Groan. I hate waiting for news.

Otherwise I don't feel to badly. My last CT was about five months ago and everything was fine. I am hoping that nothing is seriously wrong.

Finally figures out how to record multiple tracks in Audacity. Interest problem was the delay created by the usb microphone. With some testing I found the delay was about -200 milliseconds and made the adjustment to match the time between the playback through the headphones and the new track being played and recorded. Thus I can make mistakes and edit or re-record the separate tracks. Fun, fun.




Planning on getting my mando chops down and playing bass, and even when it fits, add multiple guitar parts and the 12 string, as well. Should be fun.

Also delighted with the slight cooling in the weather. Otherwise I'm just saving my energy for healing and trying hard not to think about cancer.

rain and wedding photos

Rain is not usually a blog worthy event, but a small storm is parked over our area. It's been raining since last night and thunderstorms all morning and into the afternoon. Poor puppies are ready to go out but I fear they would drown in the downpour.





click here for photos


Finally uploaded the photos from Mank and Erin's wedding. I have such a tendency to make my images a bit dark and this time they are very bright. Of course, it was very bright on the beach.

manic monday

Busy, busy. Already finished the monday bill paying, joined a health club, completed the grocery shopping, visited to the post office, finished two loads of laundry and just opened the new acoustic guitar preamp I ordered last week.

Monday is alway open the mail and pay the bills. Least favorite activity of the week so it is always first. I got a free membership to the Snap Fitness Center through my health insurance company and drove over to enroll. It is tiny, no showers, no steam room or sauna. I need to drop a few pounds and build a little muscle and increase cardiovascular health. The center is close and now comes the starting  of the habit of getting there.

New hobby: parking next to outrageously large vehicles hoping they'll be embarassed to lug 6000+ pounds to haul 120 pounds of payload.







For the rest of today I'll be trying out the preamp with various guitars and later making chili.

Still pretty sick and ankle is still sore.

Puppies at rest.

Good Sunday morning

I know, I know, no blogs all week. I've been sick, sick, sick. I'll spare you the unseemly details. Slowly getting better after getting antibiotics on Friday. Ordered and waiting for the L.R Baggs Para DI acoustic guitar preamp to arrive. Been so sick that I have barely played and haven't been able to sing. The new Snowball usb mic is just sitting there waiting for me.

Editing photos from the wedding, yes still. Got about 60 or so ready to go but only halfway through the total shot. They are tuning out better than I expected and the bride and groom should be pleased.

New York City

My best travel buddy, friend and ex-wife (#1) Vicki and I took our annual trip this past week. We had to reschedule from last month when I twisted my ankle. I twisted it again a couple of days before this trip but was determined to go anyway. I bought a cane and limped my way through the city.

We both flew out from our respective cities, around 5am (Vicki uses the Norfolk Airport) and timed it so we arrived within a few minutes of each other at LaGuardia.  Used some of her frequent flier miles to pay for the tickets. Taxi into Manhattan during rush hour. I'm thinking that the scariest roller coaster in the world would not match the terror of a New York taxi ride.

We arrived at the Hampton Inn on 8th and 51st and left our bags until we could check in that afternoon. We paid for the four nights on Vicki's hotel points. The hotel is in the Midtown West area between Broadway/Times Square and Hell's Kitchen (which in no way is represented by the name). We took that opportunity to walk to the Museum of Modern Art. We spent about 3 hours there looking at some amazing modern art. I far prefer non representational art, so a gallery dedicated to those movements in art, makes me happy. Looking at great art gives me the same emotional experience as listening to music.

Afterwards we checked in, unpacked and rested our little feet until dinner. Nicknaming this trip at the "Poor Tour", both being unemployed this trip, we ate the free breakfast at the hotel each morning. We would skip lunch and have an early dinner.  We used two sources for choosing restaurants for each dinner. A pocket sized Frommers guide and the smartphone app UrbanSpoon. UrbanSpoon lists restaurants by location, using the gps data from the phone to draws a map to where you choose. The first evening we decided to find a Thai restaurant, which was excellent. I had Duck red curry. Vicki had the Shrimp green curry.

The next morning was the American Museum of Natural History. Since Vicki didn't want to take the subway, we took a cab. The heat wave had made it across the midwest and hit hard, upper 90's on Thursday. We saw ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome and special exhibitions of Dinosaurs and the Human Brain. Dinner was suppose to be Mexican but the restaurant was not where we thought so we enjoyed burritos at Chipolte's.

Friday morning we started by taking a trip to Guitar Center where I got to play a $5,000 Gibson "Doves in Flight" Serious Gibson tone with a really narrow neck. Beautiful Inlay. Then a Gibson Songwriter that was very nice. Then the guy in charge of the acoustic guitar room handed me a Taylor G8. A short scale ohm sized guitar with real balls. For a strumming guitar it had power and was pretty loud. I would consider owning one. I think it was about $3000. Then we headed to Metropolitan Museum of Art. Their Modern Art collection is probably the best in the US. The temperature outside had soared to 103F, setting a new record for that day in New York City. After about 3 hours of art we headed back to the hotel to cool off. We decided to celebrate my birthday since we'd missed it in June. We found a highly rated Italian restaurant close to the hotel. Vicki had a seafood dish and I had chicken marsala.

Saturday we decided just to wander around Times Square. Having only brought my 50mm lens and finding it totally inadequate, I bought a cheap Sigma 18-200mm 3.5 - 6.2f. I started shooting with the wide angle to get the buildings and the whole flashing scene. It was fun. I've been meaning to get an all-purpose lens for years, although I was thinking of a better one. But, when in need and all that. We went back twice and found chairs in the middle of the square, which is not square and watched the crowd. Then we found a great pizza restaurant and had the best pizza ever.

Sunday we just took it easy and found a deli and had lunch since we would be traveling until 9pm. We had different flights out of the city and said our goodbyes at the gate, Unfortunately we were not on different flights and Vicki had to scramble to get home. On the way home I watched the clouds out the window and was just happy to be alive.

Today, tired beyond belief.
link to more photos