world band radio

Ok, First I'll stop bitching about my illness. Does seem to occupy a great deal of my time and when I get to thinking about blogging, it is usually on my mind. I'll add a post on the results of the next blood work and then enough is enough. Frankly there is just not much going on in my life. Hence the paucity of posts these days.

Ordered my Christmas present today. A friend once told me when you are single you must buy yourself a present at Christmas and birthdays. In keeping with that advice I have. Damn thing went up in price from yesterday. Oh well.

The first picture is the Grundig GS750. A mid-priced shortwave receiver. I can always upgrade later.
The second is an antenna tuner. I had an earlier version of this in the early 90's. worked like a dream. One strings up a run of wire and this little puppy effectively changes its length (electronically) to match the length to match a 1/4 or 1/2 wavelength of the frequency group one is targetting, that os the frequency of the station one is trying to pick up. Now the BBC is easy to get but Radio New Zealand is much harder and at lower wattage output, must be dug out of the din.

Ok, Ok my inner geek is showing badly now.

chasing the reason for my fatigue

My Neurologist appointment went well. I know what day if the week it is and what county his office is in. Oriented x3 and cranial nerves intact.  He recommended seeing my PCP for blood test for low Testosterone and paraThyroid levels. I think they just fried some of the circuits in my brain that could not repair themselves.

To date:

1st I thought is was the cancer effects, then the surgery, then the radiation (Whole Brain Radiation pretty much sucks, but they only use it when the side effects won't be a long term problem, because they figure you won't survive anyway. Then, I blamed each and every drug they gave me for seizures (oddly I've been off all of those since Easter without one single seizure). So if the next tests are negative, then I guess I'm fucked. I knew I'd feel like this someday but I thought is would be in my 70's. No male in my father's line (or mother's either) has lived past 65 anyway.

Consults: two radiation oncologists, a hematological oncologist, a neuropsychologist, 2 neurologists, 2 internal med docs, 10 hours of psychological testing, EEG, no answers. Last blood tests revealed nothing.

My Neurologist really pushed going into therapy. Didn't have the heart to tell him I know pretty much anything someone could tell me. My Master's degree is in Rehabilitation Counseling. The other problem with that is I have run out of money having spent it all on doctors, hospitals and insurance payments.  My insurance coverage for the last 4 months was over $4,000 and out of pocket well over that. 

Funny thing is I'm not depressed, overall I'm pretty happy, if frustrated. I just miss my old life.

Good morning friends,


It is Monday, although that means almost nothing to me. It is so odd to experience life as I do these days. I was once, and not so long ago, a very driven man


One of the first differences is the day and date doesn't matter as it once did. I have always organized my life by time. I have years and years of past calendars full of obligations and activities.


Yea, still struggling. I did have an idea from my past. When I was 10 I borrowed a short wave radio and learned there was a whole world coming to me in the form of radio waves.  As a Christmas when I was 11 or 12 I got my own shortwave a Panasonic RF-200. When I wore that one out and in graduate school, I bought a Sony ICF-2200. Then a piece of crap that failed soon after I bought it and I cannot remember the manufacturer. Oh a Uniden.


Considering a Grundig Satellit 750. Not terribly expensive but enough to get me back in the game. The plan would be an MFJ 959C antenna tuner (had one before) and a long wire or inverted L antenna that I could string up around the backyard. I've installed three arrays before. the largest was tuned to the 1/4 wave length of the 90m, 75m, 60m short wave bands.  Might get a police scanner too.


Technically interesting from antenna theory, to radio wave propagation, to studying solar activity and tropospheric excitation. Once one finds a station, then opportunity to get the news from an entirely different viewpoint.  I used to listen to Radio 5 in South Africa, which was a local broadcast before the end of Apartheid. Regionals were my favorite as these broadcasts are intended for folks in their own countries. I also used to hear the pot smugglers off the coast relaying instructions to the small boats about picking up their loads.


Looking into home coffee roasters next.


I have an appointment with my Neurologist this afternoon and hope to discuss CFS or just depression.

Happy Thanksgiving to all

Happy Thanksgiving! 


I've been looking forward to this weekend; food, family, friends, fun and music. Happily I also don't have to travel. My weirdly organized, made up family gets together at 1pm.  Then around 7pm old friends for my high school days, who are in town to see their families, will get together at my house. Must run to the store for a few snacks for my guests before lunch and I hope something is open.


I looked into seeing a Doctor who specializes in CFS. Unfortunately his practice is "fee for service" and so it will cost around a $1000 just for the initial appointment. My insurer may reimburse me for the expense but I fear getting into even more medical debt.  Especially as there is no treatment and any diagnosis would mainly involve ruling out other conditions, which I have been doing for the past two years, through oncology (hematological testing), neurology (EEG), hours of neuropsychological testing. Since I know I meet the criteria for a CFS diagnosis, I don't see any real reason to document it at this time. If I do, I'll check with my Neurologist on Monday for my regularly scheduled appointment.


At first I blamed it on the cancer, then the surgery, then the radiation, then the anti-seizure medication side effects. As all of that is in the past, I still have the symptoms. Any or all of these events may have kicked off the CFS. At least with that explanation/diagnosis I can move forward with accepting what is happening to me.


So, in order to accept and then accommodate to my new situation, understanding helps. I am going to be this way for a while, there is no way to know if it will improve soon, later or even ever. First is to understand how I feel and of what I am capable. I have contacted my editor at Honest Tune and explained why I won't be soliciting new assignments. I plan to scale back commitments and do what I can, when I can. I have read everything I can find and have started Vitamin therapy (D3, B12) and anti-depressant (St. John's Wort).  I am waking between one and two miles a day, with the puppies. I'm helping out designing the technical aspects of the recording studio at the Birdsnest. I placed a notice on the website, BandMix, to find folks with whom to play. 


I'm working on letting myself off the hook for not being able to do all the things I used to be able to do. I've always been fairly driven, earning two graduate degrees, scuba, sailing, flying, concert photography, hiking, always learning and trying new things. It is very hard to experience the complete change in my life. I am simply not the man I used to be.


My attitude is good. I am glad for everyday I'm alive. Even on the days where I am so tired I cannot leave the house or even play a guitar, I still feel joy, a spark within me that will not be extinguished. I'm often alone but rarely lonely.


I am also glad for the love from my two corgis

took me a while to get back to this

Been a little busy, either getting done or sitting totally fatigued.

On Thursday, Nov. 11, my brother and I drove up to Asheville for our Mother's 75th birthday. Nice day and we had lunch and found a coffee shop where we stayed for a while. Weekend was uneventful, watched Georgia football. Had meals with my brother. Monday drove to Fine's Musical Instruments to have the tuning keys replaced in my Gibson J-200. Drove back on Tuesday with a repaired guitar.  On Thursday I headed to the Visualite in Charlotte to shoot and write up the Jimmy Herring Band. Excellent show. Much more energy live than the only CD this band has produced. Friday was another busy day. Starting at the Birdsnest working on the computer set up for the recording studio, breakfast, then the new Harry Potter movie.  Afterwards, my brother and his new girlfriend, invited me for dinner and to watch the UNC basketball game. Then we headed to the Neighborhood Theater to see (and shoot) Yo' Mama's Big Fat Booty band. Saturday we had breakfast at the Toast Cafe, as usual. The afternoon was doggy oriented, play time and walk. Then the fatigue hit again and just resting since. Appears that any energy I expend must be paid for afterwards.

Earlier I had signed up for the website BandMix. I sent out a few emails looking for people with whom to play. I was contacted my four different guys about play and each involved log conversations on interested, influences and goals.

Mike from Mooresville is coming over Monday after noon to play.  Paul from England by way of NJ, has sent scores for me to learn. Mike from New York will be moving down from NY in late December. Skydiving Rhino is up for a jam sometime. Lefty Bud is busy now but wants to try later.

Today, mostly fatigued. Need to edit photos of Herring Band and YMBFBB for Honest Tune and finish writing the review of the Herring band. My brother will be coming over to watch the UNC basketball game.

Next week is the Thankgiving week. Not too much planned right now, which seems to be the best way for me to roll as I cannot predict how I will feel any given day until I wake up. Yesterday simply doesn't predict today for me.

Found a new vocal aid from TC Helicon. It is a device like my vocal harmonizer, but this one corrects for tone. You can hear both your own voice and your corrected voice as a traning tool for singing on key. Looks like my Christmas present to myself.

http://www.tc-helicon.com/products/voicetone-correct-xt/

Thanks for reading. Hope I'll have more to say sooner.

brain tumors and chronic fatigue

Do I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and/or Fibromyalgia?

There are some associations found by researchers between CFS and brain cancer.

I just spent the last hour researching Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Seems only fair as I am not at the Umphreys McGee show tonight due to extreme exhaustion. I appear to meet 5-6 of the 8 criteria. It would explain my chronic pain as well.

Source Mayo Clinic website:

YES Fatigue

YES Loss of memory or concentration

sometimes Sore throat

No  Painful and mildly enlarged lymph nodes in your neck or armpits

YES Unexplained muscle pain

YES Pain that moves from one joint to another without swelling or redness

YES Headache of a new type, pattern or severity

YES Unrefreshing sleep

YES Extreme exhaustion lasting more than 24 hours after physical or mental exercise

others:

■Abdominal pain

■Allergies or sensitivities to foods, alcohol, odors, chemicals, medications or noise

■Chest pain

■Dizziness, balance problems

■Morning stiffness

■Chills and night sweats

■Psychological problems, such as depression, irritability

■Tingling sensations

■Visual disturbances, such as blurring

■Weight loss or gain


I definitely have problems of memory and learning new tasks. Exhaustion that cannot be explained by lack of sleep or over activity. When I exert myself I usually pay for it the next day. I make plans but often can not complete them, as tonight's missing my favorite band without any other reason. Chronic cold/flu symptoms. I can eat a breakfast of eggs, grits, sausage or bacon, bread, tons of coffee and come home still tired. I can sleep poorly or well and it makes little difference in predicting how I shall feel the rest of the day. I have pain that moves around that I generally attribute to kidney stones but it can go on for weeks. Also the sites of the pain can range from shoulder to neck, ribs, stomach, legs, knees, almost anywhere. I can spend nearly all day in one spot, my chair in front of my TV.

I have been walking, over two miles yesterday, one walk with the dogs and a second without. I spend time with others nearly everyday, spend time talking to friends and family on the phone and social networking websites. Playing guitar and singing help my mood. I study music and guitar construction. I read novels and non-fiction and the New Yorker, Wired, Music, Acoustic Guitar. I read the news on many websites as well as watching MSNBC, CNN, NBC and local news.

For a long time I thought these symptoms were a result of various medications I took for a seizure disorder. But now, I am finding my fatigue problem to be getting no better. I have good days and even several in a row, but most days are not good. I am just not the man I was 3 years ago.

I'll be seeing my neurologist in a couple of weeks and shall start there. I'll start back on St. John Wort.

Monday morning

A cold Monday morning and the puppies take their sweet time getting their business done. I forgot the rule, below 40 degrees, wear gloves. Russell thought that I should get up at 7am as it was light and he doesn't seem to understand the time change on Sunday. As it is getting colder and the days shorter, we're changing walk time to early afternoon. Skye has been doing so well on these long walks, she really gotten into better physical shape. I think she enjoys these walks and just trots alongside her Dad. Yesterday Russell got to play football with some of the Davidson students in front of Chambers. He ran and ran chasing the football or the carrier.

Less pain so far today and seems to be lower, which is always good. Counting on good fortune to make the Umphreys McGee show in Boone on Wednesday night.

Professor Gowen had a sign on this office door when I was an undergraduate at ECU that said, "You can't win the game, you can't lose the game, and you can't quit the game." Looks like he was wrong, lol.

If case you were wondering what a supercollision
looks like using lead ions.










added at 3pm:

Skye did well on our walk. She was limping a little so we took a shorter walk up to the graveyard. We stopped at my father's grave, in the shade of an elm tree. He passed 20 years ago this month. I'll be buried there too.Turned into a lovely day the temperature climbing 35 degrees from our morning walk.

the best dream ever

Monday night my puppy awakened me around 1:00 am Tuesday from a fantastic dream. I don't recall the story, all I remember is a series of images. The dream was full of people who are or have been in my life. We were all close together and the feeling state was ecstasy. It was the most positive, uplifting, feeling of being loved, contented and at peace with everything. When I pulled myself out of the dream, at the insistence of Russell the Corgi, my first thought was, I hope heaven is like this. It was simply the best felling I've ever had, awake or dreaming. It seemed like the boundaries that separate us were gone. A feeling of unity of thought and experience in the very here and now. Falling asleep last night, I hoped that I would have that dream again, but alas, no.